GOP to Corbett: Even we think you're a douche

Oh, poor Tom. He takes this brave stance on No! Obamacare! For the poor! and then looks around eagerly to his GOP cohort and sees their faces sorta wrinkled as if he'd just let out a giant fart. Chris Christie has said that hey, Obamacare is the law of the land, yes we will give it to the poors, and the Florida Guv has been like, dude, my mother died and now I understand things like compassion and the fact that health care is important. YES CORBETT IS TOO EVIL FOR EVEN THE GOP TO HANDLE. And now comes the news that the GOP in PA is pressuring Corbett to, hey, maybe be 5% less evil? And give health care to the poors? And Corbett is like, 'o snaps for real guys?'

AND THEN HE BREAKS DOWN CRYING AND I AM THERE TO DRINK HIS DELICIOUS TEARS

But! There's! More! Evil! related to Obamacare in the Keystone State. GOP state senator Donald C. White has introduced a bill so that you know these health care exchanges? That we will all be using if we are not on Medicare, penniless and on Medicaid, or if we are one of the fifteen people left who get health care through their employers?

So, Donald C. White is doing is darned best to make sure that NO ABORTIONS FOR ANYONE, ANYWHERE in Pennsylvania by introducing a bill that would keep any plans offering abortion coverage out of the exchanges. The only way you get an abortion ladies if you can't pay out of pocket? Rape! Incest! Imminent death! In other words, if you just MIGHT die because of the parasite in your womb, uh, get your gravestone ready.

Fuck me.

Angrycat sez: NO I AM HERE TO DRINK YOUR DELICIOUS TEARS

PA SEQUESTER DOOOOOOOOOM

As per the White House, here's part of what's going to happen to Pennsylvania because of the sequester and the reason for the sequester is that our species is doomed, let's just face facts.

KIDS YOU ARE DOOMED
Teachers and Schools: Pennsylvania will lose approximately $26.4 million in funding for primary and secondary education, putting around 360 teacher and aide jobs at risk.  In addition, Pennsylvania will lose approximately
$21.4 million in funds for about 260 teachers, aides, and staff who help children with
disabilities.
Head Start: Head Start and Early Head Start services would be eliminated for approximately
2,300 children in Pennsylvania, reducing access to critical early education.
Child Care: Up to 1,800 disadvantaged and vulnerable children could lose access to child care,
which is also essential for working parents to hold down a job. 
Vaccines for Children: In Pennsylvania around 5,280 fewer children will receive vaccines for
diseases such as measles, mumps, rubella, tetanus, whooping cough, influenza, and Hepatitis B due
to reduced funding for vaccinations of about $361,000. 
PLANET YOU ARE DOOMED

Protections for Clean Air and Clean Water: Pennsylvania would lose about $5,705,000 in
environmental funding to ensure clean water and air quality, as well as prevent pollution from
pesticides and hazardous waste. In addition, Pennsylvania could lose another $1,448,000 in grants
for fish and wildlife protection.
PEOPLE WHO DON'T WANT TO GET KILLED BY SOUTH KOREA OR MURDERERS YOU ARE DOOMED


Military Readiness: In Pennsylvania, approximately 26,000 civilian Department of Defense
employees would be furloughed, reducing gross pay by around $150.1 million in total. Law Enforcement and Public Safety Funds for Crime Prevention and Prosecution: Pennsylvania will lose about $509,000 in Justice Assistance Grants that support law enforcement,
prosecution and courts, crime prevention and education, corrections and community corrections,
drug treatment and enforcement, and crime victim and witness initiatives.
OLDS YOU ARE DOOMED

Nutrition Assistance for Seniors: Pennsylvania would lose approximately $849,000 in funds that
provide meals for seniors.

Angrycat sez:

Corbett doing his darn best to ensure no health care for the poor

Angrycat has previously celebrated PA Guv Corbett's attempts to squish poor children and sick people into a meat slurry in order to power the next generation of natural gas frackers. It turns out that the Corbett administration has been using the unholy power of bureaucracy to further his cause against the idea that poor people utilize something other than the ER for health care.

Earlier this year, Corbett eliminated general assistance, a state cash program for those who don't qualify for other kinds of benefits (for example, the disabled who are waiting on their applications to Social Security for SSI or SSD).

The clever part is that Corbett didn't eliminate the medical assistance portion of that program. However, it seems that many of those in the program no longer, for some reason, received medical benefits after their other assistance was discontinued. But it's not his fault, guys! Really. Requiring people dying of cancer to work 100 hours a month in order to receive benefits, hey, not related. Although accepting money from the feds for a Medicaid expansion would cover the medical costs of all these people but no 'cause SOCIALISM.

Angrycat sez: I could eat a sick person. A properly sick person, though. Actually, no, only a fresh trauma victim is something I could eat, dying-human wise. Eating a sick person would be sort of gross. I don't like being around sick people at all, to be honest.

Philly tweeters sadly hacking shit

According to this study by the University of Vermont, Philly tweets rate highly on the sad-o-meter. We are so sad, guys. Or, given that the happiest tweets came from Hawaii, maybe our tweety sadness would be cured with sun, sand, and surf, sort of like psoriasis. Maybe relatedly, whoever is hacking major twitter accounts like Burger King and MacDonald's is apparently using their super hacking powers to promote Philly rap artists and comedians. It's sort of sad that this person didn't use his abilities to promote world peace, but maybe he or she is too sad. It's sad.


Angrycat sez: I am only full of a smiling contentedness as I insult your mother on twitter.

Wooo Philly Bank Robber Wooo

So this dude has apparently decided February is National Rob a Philly Bank month. He has hit four since the beginning of the month, is still on the loose, and is maybe hoping to emulate Carl Gugasian, who is also from the Pennsylvania area, robbed over fifty banks, but did get caught so maybe not. Our latest bank robber thus far has the wisdom to not try Brian Douglas Wells's tactics of wearing a collar bomb into an Erie, PA bank, which then goes off and boom goes the head. Or Jeffery M. McMullen, who walked into a Northern Cambria, PA bank to demand one dollar in hopes that he would be sent to the nearby federal pen.


ANGRYCAT sez: I'm in yr accountz, stealin' yr fundz

Philly public schools: military students, neediest students, gettin' the shaft

The Philadelphia Public School Notebook has been reporting on the clusterfuck that is the planned closure of 37 schools in the city.  Here's a piece about how the students at two military academies are protesting the merger of their schools.  Here's an even better piece about how the closure of a school serving the neediest, at-risk students was based on a report full of factual errors.  Here's a piece about some of the plans offered as an alternate to school closings.  Not on the list: going back through time and making sure nobody votes for Tom Corbett.

Angrycat sez:  I was in JAIL and you expect me to care about your problems?  Fuck off.

Cuckolds, welcome to Philly

Happy Day After Valentines Day!  Your wife is totally boning the guy next door, if you are in Philly.  We are number eight on some list of the cheatingest places.   Why?  I dunno.  Maybe it's our rivalry with Boston, New York, and D.C.; it's engendered an inferiority complex that make seeking out the genitals of others a wise move.

ANGRYCAT sez:  Whateva the fuck this post is about, I give zero fucks.  I am in cat jail after I was taken to a place where a cold long thing was shoved up my ass, and then two daggers were thrust into different places in my ass.  I do not care.  I do not give a fuck about any of your problems or concerns.  Fuck off.  I mean it.  I will cut you.  Fuck.

Vultures are just hangin' in PA

Vultures are usually those things that pop up in westerns when our hero is dying of thirst in the desert.  WELL NOT ANYMORE SUCKAS.  Black and turkey vultures find that they love Eastern Pennsylvania, probably because fracking effluent smells like decaying flesh.   One woman was recently so beset that she hung a dead vulture in her yard and what do you know?  Turns out vultures like dead things unless it might be their mothers, fathers, brothers, cousins. Fucking hypocritical asshole birds.

Also, how much would it suck for this other lady to come home to a totally trashed house and have a biologist explain that the birds were just "killing time?"

Angrycat sez:  I pretend to be dead to rid my life of humanity.

Philadelphia eyeballs and mistrials

Man, I really hope that something good happens soon to One-eyed Dude. One-eyed Dude used to have two eyes, but there was a fight with Other Dude and while what happened next is disputed, when the furor died down Two-eyed Dude was no more. One-eyed Dude was born.

One-eyed Dude is depressed, loses his job because his loss of function. So what can he do but sue Other Dude.

The One-eyed Dude is testifying about the last moments of sight that he had in that now-gone eyeball. Think of it; from now on, all will to have to pass through that single eye alone before they can rest in his brain alongside the memories he made when he was Two-eyed Dude.

And One-eyed Dude is thinking about that lost vision and crying AND HIS PROSTHETIC EYEBALL POPS OUT OHHHH GOD THE HUMANITY.

And so the judge declared a mistrial. One-eyed dude must go through all of the proceedings again. And One-eyed Dude is peering with his one eye at this nightmare and wanting to cry some more but he's afraid that eyeball will pop out again.

Angrycat sez: Oh God, my eye. MY EYE

Alt-universe PA to legalize weed

Daylin Leach, a Democratic state senator, will introduce a bill in the Pennsylvania legislature that would legalize weed in PA (although the fed law still conflicts, but whatevs) for those over the age of 21.

But its chances of passing are equivalent to a joint staying lit whilst outside during Nemo, because Republicans control the state government , there's not popular support for it, and Guv Tom Corbett has promised to veto it. "Marijuana is a gateway drug," Corbett said. "That's why Barack Obama grew up to be a methamphetamine addict."

BUT in alternative universe Pennsylvania, our governor is a man named Cory Booker. He makes Pennsylvania great in many ways, in part by rescuing freezing dogs and women from burning buildings. Taxes from government-dispensary marijuana fund thriving public schools. "Dudes, sorry about the five dollar tax on an ounce," said Booker. "But we gotta think of the kids. Also, it's government weed. This shit is tight."

Angry Cat sez: I don't smoke weed.

Corbett takes courageous stance vs. creeping socialism

Poor children.  Poor sick people.  Both disgusting.  HERE TO SAVE US is Tom Corbett.

You see, because he's running for re-election, he is massively unpopular, and because he has cut the state education budget by 19% (resulting in almost 40 soon-to-be closed schools in Philadelphia), Tom must show that he cares. That's why he wants the state to sell the liquor stores to pay for schools.  He LOVES schools.  Except for the part where this weird liquor thing even if it works will mean that the state still contributes less to education than it did under our previous gov.   Don't worry Tom.  Nobody will know.

Then there's the aspect of Obamacare that gives money to the states so that they can expand Medicaid so that more people will be insured.  In PA, this number of insured would be 700,000, with the help of 43 billion in federal monies.  Plus, there is a yearly half billion on the line in terms of hospital funding.   HERE IS TOM to save us from the menace of subsidized health care and payments to hospital.  NOOOOO he will not take federal money to expand Medicaid.

Angrycat sez:  Kids?  Sick people?  I eat them and then SNEEZE THEM OUT MY BUTT

In PA, boy is it great to be rich!

While the poorest residents of Pennsylvania pay 12 percent of their income towards taxes, the richest pay 4 percent.  This means that only seven other states in the union treat the poor shittier than we do.

Angrycat sez:  PAY TAXES OR I TAKE OUT YOUR EYES

LIQUOR AND WHORES

So in PA there is some sort of state monopoly on booze so that you have to go to a state-sponsored booze distributor or drink in one of the two million bars in this town, five thousand of which are located on the street on which Angrycat dwells.

There's also Governor Corbett's declining popularity.  A lot of people hate him.  Especially women.  Which presents a problem for Good Ol' Tom, as he's gearing up to run for re-election.  Perhaps the impressive shock of white hair does not blot out the fact that he's planning to close almost forty public schools in Philadelphia.  Because what do you do when you have a graduation rate in the fifties, you just give up on public education entirely, apparently, and give education money to prisons.

But! Sez Tom teasingly, we can privatize liquor like any governmental agency in the universe ever.  And then use that money to fund schools!  Hooray!  Look at my hair.

But then there's this problem of his son-in-law.  As a former attorney general (and um now governor getting ready to run for re-election) it would probably be good if his narcotic cop son is not caught in a sting.  OH WAIT.  It seems said son-in-law likes to skim off the top when it comes to drug money. 

Angrycat isn't mocking.  Angrycat understands.  Angrycat likes money, too.

And why should you care what Angrycat thinks?  Because, in the words of Bubbles:

KITTIES ARE SO NICE

THEY LIKE TO SLEEP A LOT

THEY DON'T DO MUCH ANYTHING

BUT ANY KITTY I HAVE MET 

LIKES TO FUCK WITH STRING