We hate you, third-hottest summer of Philadelphia

Living in the Philly area now is akin to the life of a bug trapped between two dirty grey blankets, stained and made especially humid by the secretions of two dirty people having a sex marathon.  Actually, while it was the hottest summer on record U.S. wide, it has only been the third-warmest Philly summer. (Philebrity) So -- we're used to it?  Seriously, fuck this weather.  But wait, more WEATHER DRAMA AWAITS.  Two very pretty NBC people tell us that we have a four-day weekend of hail, lightning, and sixty-mile per hour winds ahead of us, as well as frogs and possibly Death Eaters (NBC). NBC also has a primer on what to do when God is extremely pissed and raining lightning upon you; one helpful hint: get in your car but don't touch any metal part of it because then you will die (NBC).  No word on whether pooping one's pants adds or detracts from one's conductivity.  Maybe it could insulate you, like a mud pack.