Wacky crime news within atomic-bomb range of Philadelphia

A man dialed 9-1-1 with his butt, which is just not time for it if you're in the middle of a bunch of illegal drugs (Poconos Record).  Some burglars told the resident of the home they were burgling to go back to bed, she was just having a nightmare (NBC) while others mugging people told their marks that they were on a new reality show, You Just Got Robbed! (Time) For real, yo.