BREAKING NEWS: Dude who beat up another dude over a bet regarding the presence of a bottle of urine in the dude's car. Beat-up dude was in hospital four days. Beating dude now going to jail (ABC).
ALSO: Judicial complaint filed against judge who brought unwrapped-condom-filled acorns to his bench and then handed them out as, I guess, sort of a romantic gesture? No, really, that's about the grossest creepiest thing ever. Also the link to the ABC news story has a picture of acorns with unwrapped condoms spilling out like sofa stuffing.
Philly teachers and parents are freaking out over the 3,000 layoff notices that went out to teachers in the Philly school district. Mayor Nutter is up in Harrisburg begging for money so that our city can educate its youth. Yeah, I'm sure Gov. Corbett will get right on that. (CBS)
There was a big anti-Marcellus Shale-fracking rally in the state capitol -- only the activists were divided because some wanted to ban fracking on the grounds that the process will poison your water and kill you and everything you treasure, while others were in favor of taxing the companies for the privilege of poisoning the water and killing all of God's creatures (Politics PA).
PA is losing federal unemployment benefits, so the unemployed here are in desperate need of state unemployment funds. But they're fucking around with it in the capitol, so some unemployed may face a period of zero income (Poconos Record).
Rap Master Maurice will make up a vengeance rap for ya. It only costs seventeen bucks. He'll then phone up the object of your ire and RAP YOUR WRATH (he'll also do a friendly rap for a few more bucks -- it's harder to rhyme the love, yo). Here is an excerpt from his '08 anti-McCain rap:
NOW THIS JOHN MCCAIN SEE HE'S A LUNATIC
HIS DOME IS LIKE A MILKSHAKE YOU SEE HIS HEAD IS THICK
HE WANTS TO KEEP THE USA IN IRAQ
THAT'S ABOUT AS HEALTHY AS A DOUBLE BIG MAC
I'D RATHER CAST MY VOTE FOR MAYOR MCCHEESE
AT LEAST HE DOESN'T HATE THE VIETNAMESE
Oh Rap Master Maurice, how I love thee, and thus I sing your praises, even tho I ain't sure you're in Philly. (via DailyCandy Philadelphia)
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