Angrycat's Limerick Lamenting Fentanyl/Heroin mix

Fentanyl, which is 100X more powerful than morphine, has turned up in Western PA and other places in the Mid-Atlantic, resulting in many overdoses and several deaths. It goes under the names of Theraflu and Bud Ice. Don't do it.  Phillip S. Hoffman died of the regular kind of heroin, apparently, but don't do that either, obvs:

There's a new brand of smack: Theraflu
But you should find another drug to do
Because it's mixed with stuff
That makes survival tough
Avoid friends finding you dead and blue.

Angrycat's limerick lamenting SEPTA's trials in the bitter cold

SEPTA has a hard time in the cold
One might think it's 'cause El is so old
No, the new trains are failures
All those Regional Rail-ers
The cold makes it so the doors can't unfold.

Angrycat's limerick celebrating kayak rescue of dog trapped on icy Delaware

There was a pit bull, name of Duke
Duke was far too easy to spook
Ran onto frozen river
The poor dog could but shiver
But a kayak saved Duke; wint'ry fluke.

Angrycat's limerick commemorating baby born on sled

A Pennsylvania baby was born on a sled during our most recent snowstorm:

Foot of snow, felt like minus fifteen

And the dad bought a sled that was lime-green

For the baby was due

In the sled the mom flew

Not long after came newborn babe's first screams

Angrycat's limerick lamenting life in the Polar Vortex

All aboard on the clipper snow train

It's a weather trend that brings much pain

Endless Arctic snow storms

Old Man Winter's hell forms

As we huddle and pray for mere rain.

Angrycat's limerick commemorating the train derailment last week over the Schuylkill River

The derailment included six cars full of crude oil, which thankfully did not leak:

A freight train on a bridge on the Schuylkill
Almost tipped over; fears of a big oil spill
Oil's explosive; oh no!
Seems train driving is a valu'ble skill.

January 22, 2014

Angrycat's limerick celebrating Guv Corbett's fleeing from Central High school students and demonstrators

Our Guv Corbett would speak at a high school
But he canceled, said, 'must not lose my cool'
'They will drown out my message,
How I've led with such courage'
And the Keystone State cries out, 'don't lie, fool.'

Angrycat's limerick celebrating the spill of heating oil into the Delaware

On the occasion of a spill of 300 gallons of heating oil, half of which went into the Delaware:

There were gallons of heating oil spilled

Half the oil a containment tank filled

The rest went into the river

And the Coast Guard did shiver

As they wanted no fish to be killed

Angrycat's limerick celebrating the Philadelphia Swiss Cheese Masturbator

There's a man with a fetish for cheese
In Philly; he approaches women, says, "Please,"
"Girls and dairy are equal"
Pulls down pants as a prequel
If there's justice, his penis will freeze

Angrycat's limerick celebrating the George Washington Bridge scandal

The big presser about traffic in Fort Lee
Guv Christie denied claims that he
Could have known that his staff
Cut bridge lanes by a half
Might not soothe those who pay huge toll fees.

Angrycat's limerick about beet juice on Pennsylvania roads

PA is experimenting with the application of beet juice, in lieu of rock salt, to wintry roads in the state:

By applying a coat of beet slime

To our roads, plagued with cold all the time

The state powers that be

Are all waiting to see

If it works; thus we end this rushed rhyme

Angrycat's limerick celebrating Corbettcare

Which would require the unemployed to provide proof of job search in order to get insurance:

Tom Corbett's Brilliant Health Plan

For some it's objectionable content
For some health care's unspeakable torment
What does Corbett want done?
Unemployed better run
Proof of job search is Corbett's commandment.

Angrycat's limerick celebrating Hercules snowstorm

It's the first full of snow for this year
As a mass of chilled Arctic draws near
And our city streets fine
Are all coated in brine
And we wait for the sidewalks to clear

Angrycat rhymes about Philadelphia water main break

A limerick on the occasion of the water main break at the Franksford and Torresdale Avenues last week that let loose twenty million gallons of water over three hours, causing a day care center to be evacuated and lots of damage to adjacent cars:

A broken pipe that was twenty feet deep
At a day care the children did leap
Over gallons that gushed
Away people did rush
Flooded cars left behind in a heap

Rhymecat on the bloodsuckers infesting Philadelphia

A recent survey put Cincinnati at number one for bedbug infestations nationwide, with Philly #2, ahead of NYC and everybody else.

Rhymecat, thoughts?

INFESTATIONS OF BED BUGS ARE HELL
SO BE CAREFUL OF PHILLY HOTELS
NUMBER ONE: CINCINNATI
NUMBER TWO: POOR OLD PHILLY
THE BUGS CLEARLY HAVE WON; UGH, OH WELL

GOOD JOB, RHYME CAT!

Rhymecat on PA Secretary of Education Kerfuffle

Pennsylvania's Secretary of Education was let go because of a discovery that he had engaged in "unbecoming behavior" related to sending emails about speedos.

Now, our brand new state Secretary of Education is already in trouble after being on the job for two minutes, for her failure to disclose a source of income on her taxes.

Rhymecat, thoughts?

PAs SECRETARY EDUCATION
HE WAS FIRED BECAUSE ACCUSATIONS
ALL ABOUT HE DID NOT KNOW
HOW A FRIEND LOOKED IN A SPEEDO
FOR CORBETT ANOTHER AGGRAVATION

GOOD JOB, RHYMECAT

Rhyme cats weigh in on funeral for lady found alive

A woman was found dead in West Philly earlier this month.  A person misidentified her as a member of his family.  The mistake was realized during an open-coffin funeral.  The woman who is buried remains unidentified.

Care to chyme in, Rhymecats?

IN THE ROAD A LONE WOMAN WAS FOUND
FAMILY MISSING MEMBER CAME 'ROUND
POOR LASS NEVER AWOKE
CAUSE OF DEATH WAS HEAT STROKE
NOW WE DON'T KNOW WHO LIES UNDERGROUND

GOOD JOB RHYMECATS

Rhyme cats weigh in on PA voter ID developments

A state court has held that the PA voter ID law won't apply to the general election; no final decision has been made on the merits.

Rhyme cats: thoughts?




JUDGE MCGINLEY HAS RULED TO RESTRICT
WHAT THE VOTER ID LAW AFFLICTS
TOO MANY YEARS OF CORBETT
AND THE STATE IS A WRECK
BUT AT LEAST WE HAVE THIS VERDICT

Thanks, rhyme cats!

D. Bruce Hanes, Pennsylvania's renegade gay-marriage guy

D. Bruce Hanes you awesome fellow, you brought Angrycat out of retirement with your awesomeness,  get out of here with your bad awesome self!  Mr. D. Bruce Hanes, despite laws banning gay marriage in the Keystone state, has said No to the haters No to the hicks and bigots, and, in his righteous capacity as Montgomery County's Register of Wills, has issued a marriage license for a lesbian couple.  Chaos and media attention ensued, and I do not care what you believe, if you do not feel a twinge of sympathy for all the heat D. Bruce Hanes is getting right now you are a bad person, and I'll see ya in Hell. Some lame-ass County Register of Wills Association issued some fiat about how Mr. D. Bruce Hanes's acts violate state laws, but Mr. D. Bruce Hanes don't care.  Mr. D. Bruce Hanes is all about the love, he says no to the hate.  He is Mr. D. Bruce Hanes: look upon him, ye stupid haters, and tremble

IM IN YER CHAPEL, MARRYIN YER GAYZ

The further unraveling of Philadelphia city schools

So, the  City has announced layoffs, effective July 1 of this year, for almost four thousand of the District's approximately twenty thousand employees.  Further layoffs are expected, so that 30% of active positions will be eliminated.  As the Philadelphia Inquirer noted, with these cuts:

These schools will not be centers of growth and promise. They will be far closer to custodial houses, where, despite the best efforts of teachers (and the effort will be there), only the most confident students can get the year's worth of learning every child deserves from September to June.

A'ight, let's try this another way.  Imagine that all these students, even the misbehaving ones, are like the kitten pictured below.  Now, what is the right way to raise the kitten?  Put the kitten in a dark room and ignore it?  Or put your face in its belly and feed it treats and play with it with little bouncy toys?  WHICH IS THE RIGHT CHOICE.